Recognizing Self-sabotage and How to build a trusting relationship with YOU



As I type this (in March 2021) it is fairly still the beginning of the year. Yet the New Year buzz has  settled down and most people are settling into the hum drum of their day to day. Yesterday I came across a journaling prompt from a YouTube video I was watching, the prompt was; What are 1 or 2 of your 2021 New Years resolution(s)? And how do they make you feel now? Just hearing the prompt felt like a kick to the gut. When I reflect on the past two months, heck even just my life in general, I don't feel I am where I could be mainly due to self sabotage. When I have spoken to family and friends about it most of them share similar sentiments of having gone through or still experience some form of self sabotage.


Let's define Self-sabotage

Sabotage as a verb is defined as to deliberately destroy, damage, or obstruct (something), especially for political or military advantage. This word dates back to the early 20th century: from French, from saboter ‘kick with sabots, willfully destroy’. When one sabotages themselves, they engage in thought loops and behaviors that deliberately obstructs them from their goal. There are various ways and degrees to which people may engage in self-sabotaging behavior and thought patterns.

We often get into trouble trying to escape intense negative feelings - Edward A. Selby et al, 2014, Self-sabotage: The Enemy Within

 

Recognizing Self-sabotaging behavior's and thought loops

To be able to recognize a self-sabotaging thought or behavior requires practicing being self aware. By asking yourself, what is the goal I am trying to achieve? Then by observing yourself at various moments throughout the day. If your actions and/or thoughts do not align with your goal at all but actually opposes it, then right there at that moment the evidence of your self-sabotage.

Self-sabotage by procrastination

By now it is a well know fact that procrastination is mechanism that the mind engages in to protect itself from negative emotions. The line between ones intention and taking action can become unbearably thick. I personally do so by binge watching shows on Netflix. Procrastination can take many forms, from cleaning to doing miscellaneous tasks the possibilities are numerous. It is kind of fascinating how many different ways people find ways to avoid the task at hand. 


Comments

  1. UnknownJune 14, 2021 at 2:07 AM

    Hey, insightful article. Could self-sabotage also be the body's indication or symtom of the body needing a rest or a break from working towards a particular goal.

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    Replies
    1. Viola TshalataDecember 18, 2021 at 4:03 AM

      Hey there, I'm glad you found my article insightful. (I do need to read up more to complete it). I'm not a behavioural therapist nor a licensed professional. I'm still an undergrad student as I type this. I don't have the full context of the scenario, so please take my response with a grain of salt.

      My opinion is that it will depend on what the self-sabotaged is linked to by having an insight of that persons past, current circumstances and mindset. If that person build up enough mindfulness to recognize where it stems from it could be easier to address.

      I'll refer you to the following 2 youtube videos:
      Mindfull approach to failure and limitations by HINDZ; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGuWFWEBxnc

      and this one on subconscious self-sabotage by Brown and Bendy; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cT3vTcwtfq8

      I apologize for not having a definite answer for you, I hope that this helped a bit.

      Thank you

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